Completed Swaps

November 24, 2005- 7:04am: It's Thanksgiving Day - and I'm watching the snow fall outside my window - and it's beautiful! Even thought I didn't get to sleep until 2am, I can't sleep anymore right now. I have a terrible knot in the pit of my stomach thinking about my baby boy...

Matt and I lost Liam this past weekend. We went in for our regularly schedule appointment on Friday, and they could not find a heart beat. We were sent to the hospital immediately, where an ultrasound confirmed that for some inexplicable reason our baby boy, our love, just six weeks from his due date, had passed away.

They induced the birth on Saturday, and without drugs, I gave birth naturally, and in 3 and a half hours, Liam Michael Cost, our peanut, was born at 6:38pm. Upon sight, he was perfect...gorgeous. Five pounds, five ounces, 20 inches long. When they told me that I had to give birth, on Friday, I was terrified. But it was a beautiful experience just the same. We spent a few hours with him, and members of my family came in to hold him, and after kissing, cradling and rocking our baby, Matt and I had to say goodbye.

We're having an autopsy done, and tests done on the placenta, but chances are that in a case where we were both so healthy that this is just a horrible 1 in 1,000 medical tragedy. I know that no child will replace our son, but I am holding out for the possibility that I can still have children, when Matt and I are ready to, because just knowing that would give me some small comfort.

It's the biggest nightmare, but we're coping 12 hours at a time, because right now, that's the only thing that's manageable. This experience has only confirmed my love for Matt in the deepest of ways. We are so lucky to have eachother to lean on.

One would think that this would make the holidays especially difficult. However, I am hoping that I can use this time to recover, and be joyful with my family. Just in the course of typing this, the beauty of the snow outside my window has made that knot go away. I still have so much love in my life, and I had a short time in which I made memories with my first son. I am thankful for these things.

November 16, 2005- 11:19pm: I'm adding a few more blogs to my favorites...not like I need to spend any more time perusing the internet, but Love, Joleen, One Good Bumblebee and Wee Wonderfuls are so inspirational, I have to put them on my daily click list.

Speaking of Wee Wonderfuls, I really want to try out her wee tutorial :)

November 15, 2005- 8:25pm: As promised here are some pictures from the latest swaps that I've received. First off, the Flapper Swap - from lady4feet of Craftster:

Contents included: A jewelry box, with painted flapper, various pieces of flapper jewelry, notecards with deco/movie poster images of the area, and a most excellent mix cd - which makes a lovely house-cleaning soundtrack!

Next, another Craftster swap, the City/Area swap, a package from spyderbaby of Cakeyvoice and knitted zombie fame! This swap was so neat...it didn't necessarily involve crafting, but gathering stuff from around your city to give your partner an idea of where you live. Hannah is from Oxford, which from the following pictures, looks like a rather kick-arse place to be!

Contents included: A copy of Nightshift, a local music mag, a mix cd of local bands, programs to the English National Ballet, Pegasus Theatre and Audioscope 2005, a map of the city, souvenirs from Lewis Carroll's Old Sheep Shop - where the real Alice of Alice in Wonderland fame used to buy her sweets: Cherry-port jelly, an Alice pin and a hare lollipop, two postcards - one of which has gargoyles on it that are so cute, they look like little monkeys! - and not pictured a terry cloth Oxford University onesie for little Liam.

How I love swaps! But I have vowed, no more until after Liam's arrival. Of course the second I made that vow I saw a post calling for those interested in an Amelie swap in January. Maybe I'll have my wits about me to craft something...

November 14, 2005- 5:04pm: Mom is out of the hospital, and okay for now. Thus, I have returned to my precious GeekxNerd. Today was a productive day, even if I called into work because of icky preggo soreness. I finally sent for the City/Area Swap and Flapper Swap today. I feel like a much better person. As much as I love them, no more swaps for me until little Liam is here, and I get used to life with a baby in tow. Now I just have to concentrate on Christmas presents, which inspired a whole other fiasco last night.

I attempted to make candles for the first time last night from a tutorial in a Martha Stewart Christmas book, using paper towel rolls as molds. Let me forewarn anyone who wants to try this. Martha left out a key secret. Using masking tape to secure the rolls to a piece of wax paper DOES NOT create enough of a seal to keep the wax from flowing everywhere. Very frustrating. And peeling off the paper towel rolls to create a rough effect is not as easy as it sounds. The project made me want to curse every five seconds...but I think that I'll have some somewhat pleasing results. I'll post pictures later...(as well as the other pictures I promised to post later - sheesh)

November 11, 2005- 8:49pm: I'll be taking a short blogging hiatus because my mom has been in and out and BACK again in the hospital. It's very frustrating because she's been having this problem with her pancreas...and they've ruled out cancer, and this usually happens to people who are alcoholics - not her. Thus far, over a course of six months that these attacks have been happening, they've yet to find out what causes it. I'm very - stressed -

November 8, 2005- 8:16am: How does time get away from me? Crazy things have been going on in life lately - I'll say that much. One of the big ones being that Matt and I might possibly have to move in December when I will be just about as pregnant as one can be without actually delivering the child. It sucks, no other way to sum that one up!

In crafting news...I'm finally, yes, FINALLY sending out some way overdue projects for swaps - and then no more swaps for me until post Liam delivery. I received some lovely things for the Flapper Swap and City/Area swap that I will post pictures of later this week.

I had the much anticipated baby shower, many thanks to my dear friend Shannon, and to everyone who came out. Matt and I are now swimming in baby clothes practically...the cats, well Cassie anyways, is obsessed with all of the gift bags and ribbons strewn about the house. She thinks we built a cat palace just for her, and I'll let her think that!

Pictures, pictures later...but for now, back to bed with Matt - snoooooooore.

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